The Little Mermaid goes bankrupt!

Brad Perri is a Minnesota bankruptcy lawyer who will be guest blogging at Caveat Emptor from September 29th through October 10th.

Really? No, not really.

But I think it is time for us to change how we think about bankruptcy.

After all, what is the normal story you tell yourself when you think about bankruptcy? I imagine if you are like most people, the story you tell yourself about bankruptcy goes something like this: People should pay their bills; it is immoral if they don’t; if I don’t pay my bills, I am an immoral deadbeat.

What is the problem with that story?

Well, for starters, that is not the story any businesspeople tell themselves or each other when they think about bankruptcy. Bankruptcy is strictly a business matter; it has nothing to do with morality.

This is one area in which they are actually right. Listen to them.

Another problem is that your sense of moral obligation actually gets used against you by bullies.  Are all credit card companies bullies?  Of course not. But you can tell who the bullies are because, rather than work with you, as you’re probably all too aware, the bullies would rather just drill you into the ground. And what is their primary weapon? Your own sense of decency.

Stop doing that to yourself.

So here’s what I want you to do: the next time you think about bankruptcy, I want you to think about the Little Mermaid. For those of you with children, you are probably more familiar with the Little Mermaid than you would care to be. But here is where all those hours in front of the TV, watching the Little Mermaid over and over and over (and over) again finally pay off. You see, it turns out that the Little Mermaid . . .  is actually a story about bankruptcy!

How, you ask?

Recall that the villainess, Ursula, the evil sorceress octopus, has gotten into the business of providing people with their dreams. She loans people good looks, for example. In exchange, she expects them to pay her back. When they cannot (of course they cannot), she takes their souls!  A rather high interest rate, I would say.

Sound familiar? Bullies are not just in the money business, right? They are in the business of selling dreams: that you can afford a certain item, that you can pay that bill, that you can provide for your children.

If you cannot pay them back, bullies would prefer that you be thrown into debtors’ prison. Fortunately, our Founding Fathers had the foresight to provide for bankruptcy in the Constitution as protection against that type of lunacy. Thomas Jefferson liked the idea of bankruptcy so much that he himself indulged in it on numerous occasions. In other words, Jefferson did not just start this country, he was also a client!

So the next time you find yourself getting pummeled by some bully “representative” ranting about morality and obligations, hang up the phone and remember: those jerks are not representatives of any legitimate moral authority; they are just a bunch of fat Ursulas trying to abuse you.

Oh, and call an attorney.